January 14, 2011


[T]he essentialist language that these two writers use neglects the experiences and the existences of gay men, bisexual men, and transgender men. It renders invisible heterosexual men who don’t fit within the dominant sexual paradigm. It ignores genderqueer folks and pansexual people, some of whom identify as men. It denies the existence of sexually submissive men, and men who don’t get turned on by the standard model of female attractiveness. By talking about “men” as if we all experience sexuality in the same way, both of these folks reinforce and reify one of the foundations of the problem that they’re trying to critique.

Charlie Glickman: Gender Essentialism, Masculinity and Sex Negativity

1 note
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July 6, 2011


[E]conomics influences culture and culture determines what we consider to be normal sexual behavior.

Big Think: Teen Sex: What’s the new normal?

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July 11, 2011


fuckyeahgenderstudies:

queersecrets:

[Black text on a white background reads, “I don’t masturbate the way you’d expect someone with a vagina to masturbate. No penetration. But I tried it, with my fingers. I started shaking all over after. I don’t think I like it.” Smaller text at the bottom reads, “(And I kind of think I must be doing it wrong but I’m a little scared to find out.) Is is possible that it just doesn’t work for me?”]

Masturbating without penetration is totally normal and healthy; nothing wrong with it. It’s probably more usual than penetrative masturbation, too. Vaginal orgasms are uncommon, anyway.

fuckyeahgenderstudies:

queersecrets:

[Black text on a white background reads, “I don’t masturbate the way you’d expect someone with a vagina to masturbate. No penetration. But I tried it, with my fingers. I started shaking all over after. I don’t think I like it.” Smaller text at the bottom reads, “(And I kind of think I must be doing it wrong but I’m a little scared to find out.) Is is possible that it just doesn’t work for me?”]

Masturbating without penetration is totally normal and healthy; nothing wrong with it. It’s probably more usual than penetrative masturbation, too. Vaginal orgasms are uncommon, anyway.

66 notes
See Post tags #normal #pleasure

repeat from Queer Secrets

September 8, 2011


Ed,” a 36-year-old IT director from Minneapolis (who asked us not to use his real name), says he too is addicted to Grindr. Even though he’s in a happy and loving relationship, he often grinds while his unsuspecting husband is in the room. “He’ll be right there and I’d be tapping at my phone.” He says he’s never met with any of the guys, but can’t get enough of their suggestive pictures. “I think it’s just me seeking extra attention. Even if it doesn’t lead anywhere, truly physical.

The latest in a long line of media sex panic? "Grindr addiction."

The mens! They just can’t control themselves! Especially when they like other mens!

2 notes
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November 27, 2011


I want to argue that gay men and lesbians have not always existed. Instead, they are a product of history and have come into existence in a specific historical era. Their emergence is associated with the relations of capitalism; it has been the historical development of capitalism - more specifically, its free labor system – that has allowed large numbers of men and women in the twentieth century to call themselves gay.

John D’Emilio

(via sexismandthecity)

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repeat from Equality & the City

Despite the overwhelming data that bisexuals exist, other people’s assumptions often render bisexuals invisible. Two women holding hands are read as “lesbian,” two men as “gay,” and a man
and a woman as “straight.” In reality, any of these people might be bi―perhaps all of them.

Source

Or pansexual.

Or queer.

Or not identifying with any specific orientation.

(via sweetcalamity)

(via thecuntmentality)

THIS

(via fanniefierce)

(Source: , via fanniefierce)

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repeat from Bi in the Bible Belt

December 20, 2011


McQueen is quoted in The Miami Herald calling Shame a “responsible” movie and elaborating, “We are focusing on a man who is not promiscuous. He is a sex addict, and that is a big difference. Sex engulfs his life. He’s like an alcoholic who can’t leave the house without a bottle of whiskey. And that kind of addiction destroys people’s lives.” I agree with that assessment, but I’m not sure there’s a hard and fast rule for what is one person’s idea of “promiscuous” versus another’s “addiction,” at least, by the numbers. Surely the motivation and way of achieving it is paramount, all the more so when it comes to sex, which most often is going to involve another person.

Rachel Kramer Bussel: Shame, Sex-Positivity and the Sensationalising of Sex Addiction


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“What you look at online is going to take you offline,” says Craig Gross, a.k.a. the “Porn Pastor,” who heads XXXChurch.com, a Christian website that warns against the perils of online pornography. “You’re going to do so many things you never thought you’d do.”

Exhibit A: “We see a lot of heterosexual men who are addicted to sex and, because culturally and biologically women aren’t as readily available to have sex at all times of the day, these men will turn to gay men for gratifi­cation,” says sex therapist Donaghue. “Imagine what that does to their psychology. ‘Now am I gay? What do I tell my wife?’ ”

Chris Lee: The Sex Addiction Epidemic


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If discussion of sex addiction can seem like an exclusive domain of men, that’s because, according to sex therapists, the overwhelming majority of self-identifying addicts—about 90 percent—are male. Women are more often categorized as “love addicts,” with a compulsive tendency to fall into dependent relationships and form unrealistic bonds with partners. That’s partly because women are more apt than men to be stigmatized by association with sex addiction, says Anna Valenti-Anderson, a sex-addiction therapist in Phoenix. “We live in a society where there’s still a lot more internalized shame for women and there’s a lot more for them to lose,” Valenti-Anderson says. “People will say, ‘She’s a bad mom’ for doing these sexual things. As opposed to, ‘She’s sick and has a disorder.’ But very slowly, women are starting to be more willing to come into treatment.”

Chris Lee: The Sex Addiction Epidemic


See Post tags #sex #masculinity #normal #normality #addiction

For a while, they were pushing the idea that if you had an orgasm once a day, every day, that made you a sex addict — but they finally had to back off on that because data was building up showing that there are lots of people who have sex once a day and have no problems. That’s the other big hole in their argument: For every one of the behaviors they raise as addictive — whether it’s porn, strip clubs, masturbation, infidelity, going to prostitutes — I can present 10,000 people who engage in the exact same behavior and have no problems, and they can’t explain why that is.

David Ley in Don’t Believe The Sex Addiction Hype


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