January 12, 2011

Most troubling was the fact that as I grew older I had the distinct sense of remaining a child in a woman’s body; virginity brought with it arrested development on the level of a handicapping condition, like the Russian orphans I’d read about whose lack of physical contact altered their neurobiology and prevented them from forming emotional bonds. Similarly, it felt as if celibacy was stunting my growth; it wasn’t just sex I lacked but relationships with men entirely. Too independent for Mormon men, and too much a virgin for the other set, I felt trapped in adolescence.

Modern Love: A Mormon Woman’s Choices

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See Post tags #virginity #identity #religion

May 11, 2011

I’m too sexual — except for when I’m not sexual enough. Those are the classic oppositional forces that women face. A couple of years ago, I wrote an essay titled, “In defense of casual sex” and now I’m publishing a piece titled “In defense of prudes”; these arguments aren’t in conflict. What I’m calling for is authentic sexual expression and exploration, whatever its form. So while it’s kick-ass that so many women are proudly calling themselves sluts, I’d also like to defend the prudes, and those of us who would rather toss out those reductive categories altogether. The conversation really starts to get interesting when you say: I’m not a prude, but I’m not a slut; I’m ____.

Tracy Clark-Flory: In Defense of Prudes.

See also: Tracy’s fantastic 2008 essay ‘In Defense of Casual Sex’.

2 notes
See Post tags #sex #identity #femininity #casual sex #slut shaming #prude shaming

May 26, 2011

The romantic lives of young Americans are of perennial interest because this is how the next generation is formed and reared.

Professor implicates the pill for the changing face of marriage: Washington Times

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See Post tags #youth #sex #identity

November 27, 2011

I want to argue that gay men and lesbians have not always existed. Instead, they are a product of history and have come into existence in a specific historical era. Their emergence is associated with the relations of capitalism; it has been the historical development of capitalism - more specifically, its free labor system – that has allowed large numbers of men and women in the twentieth century to call themselves gay.

John D’Emilio

(via sexismandthecity)

5 notes
See Post tags #sex #identity #normal

repeat from Equality & the City

December 20, 2011

I think you can see the world from down there

Roger Friedland on sex. And pubic hair.

17 notes
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"Emile Durkheim, the French founder of sociology, took intimate moments—acts of suicide in his case—as a way to gauge the state of social solidarity."

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January 11, 2012

The sex positive person views sex as natural and good. The sex negative person views sex as somehow especially problematic. … The Judeo-Christian tradition represents the further end of the spectrum. It argues that sex is a very serious moral problem with some early Christian theologians arguing that it was therefore better to be celibate. Whilst Christians have since moved on from that extreme position, it is rare to find a Westerner free of a belief that sex is problematic.

Novel Activist: Sex negative - sex positive

I wonder if then you could argue that seeing sex as especially good and important (as opposed to a neutral part of human life) is a corollary of sex negativity in and of itself.

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January 13, 2012

I am asexual, and it's awesome: s.e. smith

"There’s a devaluation that happens with relationships that are intimate, but not necessarily sexual in nature, and I hear that devaluation every time I get asked if I have “someone special” in my life. The answer to that question, of course, is “YES!” I have several special people in my life. People whom I love deeply and am very intimate with, rely upon for support, support in turn, and consider very close partners. They are not romantic or sexual partners, but that doesn’t make our relationships less valid or less strong."

44 notes
See Post tags #chapter 8 #chapter 9 #desire #identity #intimacy #sex #asexuality

January 16, 2012

You are born of sex. Your every body cell is a sex cell, all your energy is sex energy. So if religions teach that sex is bad, sex is sin, they have condemned you completely. And not only have they condemned you, now you will condemn yourself. Now you cannot go beyond it and you cannot leave it, and now it is a sin. You are divided; you start fighting with yourself. And the more this guilt can be created in you – over the concept that sex is something unholy – the more neurotic you will become.

Osho (via terramantra)

(Source: nocturnalprincess, via cocothinkshefancy)

2,807 notes
See Post tags #sex #religion #identity #fallacy of misplaced scale

repeat from

January 31, 2012

In the space of a few centuries, a certain inclination has led us to direct the question of what we are, to sex … to bring us almost entirely – our bodies, our minds, our individuality, our history – under the sway of a logic of concupiscence and desire.

Michel Foucault, The History of Sexuality

37 notes
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