The Sex Myth

I cannot believe, in retrospect, that I was ever conned into believing that talking about feelings with a dude you were hooking up with was this embarrassing uncool thing that only clingy girls did. Today, if somebody I was boning, however casually, got judge-y or weird on me because I tried to have a conversation about my feelings, I would laugh out loud, walk out and then make fun of him to all my friends. Seriously? Feelings are not spiders or the Ebola virus. If a guy gets “scared” when you try to discuss yours with him, you should dump him and find a new hookup buddy who isn’t terrified about something that your average kindergartner can handle hearing about on Sesame Street.

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sex gender femininity

Now, it’s true that teens — specifically 15- and 16-year-olds — are delaying sexual activity, but the change in contraceptive use over the years has been much more profound, and there has been no significant change in sexual activity among 18- and 19-year-olds. What’s more, there was no change in sexual activity among teens, period, from 2008 on, says Laura Lindberg, senior research associate at Guttmacher, so the recent decline in teens births certainly can’t be attributed to abstinence.

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sex abstinence red state blue state

we’re simply experiencing the anxiety of a free market. Contraception and the ease of divorce have removed the fetters from the economy of sex, and, like the citizens of present-day Dresden and Leipzig, we all want to believe we’re better off under a regime in which even the poorest man can dream of wealth. But as the old walls of repression tumble down, many Americans—discarded first wives, who are like the workers displaced from a Trabant factory; or sexually inept men, who are the equivalent of command-economy bureaucrats—have grown nostalgic for the old state monopolies.

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freedom sex consumer sex

Of course, few walk out of the bedroom the next morning as completely new individuals. However, the conception remains that the first time having sex is, for some reason, the most important and serves as a gateway to all the sex you’ll be having in the future. In the doctors office, I found myself wondering that if losing one’s virginity is a switch from “off” to “on,” it’s more like one of those switches in the stacks that automatically turn off again after half an hour.

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sex identity virginity

But to me there’s nothing negative about being a slut. Sluts are FUN! Sluts do whatever they want, whenever they want, and they don’t regret anything. Sluts dive as voraciously into sex as they do their other many passions. Sluts like their own bodies, and other people’s too. Sluts are enthusiastic! Sluts will do a lot for a good story.

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sex desire femininity

I didn’t want people to look at me with pity, and I didn’t want people to look at him with revulsion and bewilderment. I didn’t want people to know this about us. So instead I listened to my girlfriends talk about how annoying it was that their husbands were always after them for sex, and I said nothing.

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sex normal desire masculinity

Opinions took a back seat. Opinions were not attractive. This is stuff I remember thinking when I was quite young. At my house … you learned to rise above the contending voices, but I recognized early on that that wasn’t attractive on a date. Now, I don’t think [girls] don’t do that as much. I have three daughters, and they’re all getting along in life on their own terms. And I don’t feel they make those accommodations quite in the way we did. But this was something people did.

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femininity